🌄 Day 335/365
Clear and promising. Depression is weird in the way it shifts up and down but I’m starting to come out of a long downswing. I think. I never want to jinx it. This year hit me as hard as when I was originally diagnosed in 2014 with Major Depressive Disorder. Major, I was told, rather than minor. It’s not a fleeting bout of sadness, it’s a disorder I have to live with that will come and go throughout my life. I’ve definitely had it my entire life (after months of doctors appointments I was basically diagnosed with it as a teenager, but, not understanding what depression was, I brushed it off and ignored it.) I think it’s super important to talk about these things openly and normalize it in common conversation. We need to be free to discuss it and understand it. That’s what mental health advocacy is. However. I don’t want to take away from anyone who’s suffering from depression (it’s debilitating) but I also want to make more of an effort to be happy. BE HAPPY. It’s not going to come naturally to me. It never will. I have to choose it. I have to BE it. It sounds so bizarre to me at the moment, even though I know it to be true. It won’t be easy but what’s the alternative? So that’s my goal right now. Be happy. Regardless of what my brain is doing.
This sunrise was captured in Kīhei, Maui at 5:44am on the 28th of May, 2023.
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