🌄 Day 329/365
Wow. What a head change. I already miss my little mini-trip into nature, humanity’s best and most effective anti-depressant. It’s certainly been an odd and difficult time this year and I have let it get on top of me. Turns out staying indoors on the phone with doctors all day and bingeing Kitchen Nightmares every night is perhaps not the best way to work through rough issues, at least without something else in between, some added element of assistance. I’ve always tried to just tough my way through — I’m an only child, I moved around a lot so it was difficult to make/keep/understand what friends are for, and I’m independent and stubborn to begin with. I cling to Colin but he can’t always be sitting with me either. I have to find ways of caring for myself.
I do what I can. I have my little Musashi friend, I moved to the only place I’ve ever felt true peace in, and I cut out toxicity whenever possible, whenever I realized I’ve been letting it in. And yes, there are meds. Not my favorite solution, but sometimes a requirement.
A retreat into nature is a good one to add in. I certainly live in the right place for it. I find friends who have recently gone through my worst fears ever (details are unnecessary, just trust me) and still manage to wake up in the morning and venture into nature too. We’re all just doing what we can.
So, back on this side of the island and my “normal” life, I remind myself to keep pushing through. I remind myself to live. Deep breaths. Alternate perspectives. Memories of happy experiences while striving to create new ones.
People often tell me that I am a “true artist.” I get what they’re saying, but I don’t appreciate it as I should. It’s always just been as much a part of me as my breath, as my skin. But I forget the power in it, and within myself. I am stronger than I realize.
This sunrise was captured in Kīhei, Maui at 5:46am on the 22nd of May, 2023.
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