🌄 Day 220/365
Doing a little better today. The skies are clear and bright. I feel like I’ve burned through several coping mechanisms straight off the bat though. I’ve tried sleeping, not sleeping, drinking, going out, staying in, leaning on friends, withdrawing, and one of my all time classic coping strategies that makes literally no sense — not eating. I first noticed I did this when I was 16 and my grandfather was in the hospital. Surrounded by “family” members who were incessantly mean to me, I realized that I felt better not eating with them. So I didn’t. It became a way for me to have some form of control amidst the chaos. But I’m old enough to see how that’s unhealthy too. It looks like it’s time to develop some new ways to cope — eating regularly, sleeping regularly, not drinking, working out, getting out in nature, maybe meditating a little, or a lot, and even better, focusing my energy on art. I know all this, but I feel annoyed by it at the moment (the unhealthy coping strategies are so much easier.) I know I’ll appreciate the skills better in the long run though.
This sunrise was captured in Kihei, Maui at 7:01am on the 2nd of February, 2023.
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