🌄 Day 219/365
A little late getting this post up because the truth is, I didn’t want to write it. So I went back to sleep to think about it more after I took this photo.
My mom has cancer. I’m still getting used to saying it, even thinking it. It just is what it is, I’m not trying to convince myself otherwise. Diagnosed almost exactly one year after the death of my grandmother. Coping is the name of the game for a couple of days. Last night I tried filling my head with loud music at a bar just to find peace and quiet. Alcohol isn’t healthy but it is good for numbing your brain. I stare at the tv blankly and without emotion. I can’t separate myself from Musashi. I saw the sunset in passing yesterday evening and made a plan to see more of them.
We’ve decided to accept all the positive thinking we can get, so by all means, throw some our way. We also believe in hardcore Western medicine. It’s going to be a strange and difficult time ahead. I’m an only child, so I feel a lot of upsetting, confusing things about life and loss and my mom’s future and I only have my friends to share the emotional burden with. Thank you, friends, old and new, for being there for us and for your understanding. This is not something I wanted to learn how to navigate but here we are.
Right now I’m just trying to float. The ground doesn’t feel very solid at the moment.
This sunrise was captured in Kihei, Maui at 7:02am on the 1st of February, 2023.
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